Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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