3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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