It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
