I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
