it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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