listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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