I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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