So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
