At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize