Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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