im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
