My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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