I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
