you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
