u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So squirting runs in the family.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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