a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
