i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
