Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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