garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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