Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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