Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
