i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
