You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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