In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
