how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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