We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
