I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
