My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
