How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
