if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
