She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
