i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
