I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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