if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
