no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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