i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
