I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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