hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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