I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
