I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
