so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
