That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
