the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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