i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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