My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
