It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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