There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless