my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance