I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
