Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.