This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
