It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Randomize
