I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
