five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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