How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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