Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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