i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
