I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
