what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
