She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
