I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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