sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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