What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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