if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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