note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize