tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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