so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
