wakey wakey hands off snakey
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
